17 July 2008

"I guess I'll have to marry Elvis Presley to get even."

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Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

01 July 2008

17 May 2008

Like Whatcha See?

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*Sitting in the living room watching Monk.*

*Theme song comes on.*

"Is that Randy Newman??"

"Definately sounds like Randy Newman."

*'Theme song written and performed by Randy Newman' pops onto the screen.*

There's a piece of information I'm never going to need.

If only I could remember Algebra as well as musical performers I never fucking listen to.

I have Family Guy to thank for filling half of my brain with all kinds of useless shit.

14 May 2008

From One Kiwi to Another

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*Throws Kiwifruit in bin*

"If you never ripen, I can't eat you, thus making your existence pointless!!"

"What is the point of your existence?!"

...

"TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL... and relieve you of digestive problems."


Next time I'll spray acidic juices in YOUR eye, Kiwi.


[In other news, I've discovered this adorable little website: Savage Chickens]

01 May 2008

Words. Sentences. Paragraphs. Bad Punctuation.

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"No, he's just trying to feed his policeman family." -Zack

Hahaha. As a person who has a slight problem with authority, I think I'll have to keep that in mind.

"I used to think a futon was a cross between a crouton and a wonton, and would always get weird looks from the waitstaff when I'd try to order one at an Asian restaurant." -Perplexious

That's funny. Even though croutons aren't Asian. I'll let you off this time..

"Today I've identified 15 objects on my desk that could kill a person." -Chad

You're my soul mate, Chad.

G'head, click it One Sentence.

-

26 April 2008

Blabsphemy!

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"If there is ever a day, where you couldn't pee, or weren't allowed to.."

"Yeah?"

"Drink the night before."

"That makes absolutely no sense."

"I know, right. But.. drinking leads to dehydration. Therefore, it makes every sense."

"Drink to cause dehydration?"

"Yeah. It's like an oxymoron or something. I dunno."

17 April 2008

Whikiwhore.

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It's no secret that Wikipedia is one of my favourite websites ever. The sun seriously shines out of it's ass. I've said on numerous occasions that if, in fact, Wikipedia were a person, I would do it. Therefore, I've spent many-a-hour searching ruthlessly through the pages of Wikipedia to bring you the articles, in which, I find completely intruiguing.



So check them out, if you're bored, in need of procrastination or you just want to be educated on such subjects that will probably be of no use to you what-so-ever.

And if you don't have Stumble Upon yet, you should really get on to that, because it kinda, sorta, maybe, changed my life.

19 March 2008

Fun. Free. Educational. Charitable.

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I've seen this website linked on various other sites. I went to it today for the first time, it's great! I think everybody should be a part of it. It's way easy, and for such a good cause.

Please, please, go here:

FreeRice

"FreeRice is a sister site of the world poverty site, Poverty.com.

FreeRice has two goals:

1. Provide English vocabulary to everyone for free.
2. Help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.

This is made possible by the sponsors who advertise on this site.

Whether you are CEO of a large corporation or a street child in a poor country, improving your vocabulary can improve your life. It is a great investment in yourself.

Perhaps even greater is the investment your donated rice makes in hungry human beings, enabling them to function and be productive. Somewhere in the world, a person is eating rice that you helped provide. Thank you."


Do it! Seriously.

09 March 2008

You Might Like To Know.

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'On average, 13 people die every year from vending machines falling on them.'

I'm not sure what type of situation you'd have to get yourself into, for a vending machine to fall on you. That's some Homer Simpson type shit.

'The total length of all eyelashes shed by a human in their life time is over thirty metres.'


Imagine what you could do with all that disregarded hair!

'The typical bed is usually home to over six billion dust mites.'

That's the stuff dreams are made of?
In science class, at high school, our teacher decided it would be an awesome idea to show us a documentary on parasites, germs and all the other cute fuzzy little creatures, which share the same living space as you and I, but we cannot see. Let's just say, it's a miracle I didn't develop chronic OCD, mild yes, chronic no. Facts like this are better unknown.

'You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork, than by a spider.'

Thinking about this and killer vending machines, a few questions come to mind. For example, I wonder how many people have gotten stuck under a vending machine, while on their way to a dinner party. Wine bottle in hand, they figure they'll get a little boozed to pass the time. Open the wine, cork flies into their mouth, then they choke and die. What's that statistic?

Now, I don't know how dangerous a cork is.. but there are spiders out there that can kill you with fucking body fluid! And it's not like you have to do something special for them to bite and inject this into you, they just spit it out willy nilly. Sure a cork could get lodged into your throat, but what is the chances of this happening??

So, I suppose, if you do the math, I'd guess around 50ish(?) people die from spider bites each year, which means that the statistic for death by corkage is higher. Now I'm just wondering, is there some sort of extreme corking sport that I'm unaware of?!

'A crocodile can't stick out its tounge.'

Well, clearly they don't need to.

'A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.'

Do you think cows ever feel, like they're just being fucking jipped?

'Turtles and Honeybees are both deaf.'

That just makes me sad. Turtles and Honeybees are adorable. It's like some sort of sick joke, making them audiably impared. I happen to think Honeybees would have impeccable taste in music.

Although, it would explain why they both come off a little ignorant. And I'm not just saying that because it's a completely ridiculous accusation. I actually think they are, especially Honeybees, they're always fucking banging into you and buzzing around your ear, it's like they don't even realise you're standing right there, and we're what, a bajillion times the size that they are? Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they're blind aswell!

05 March 2008

IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

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I want a pizza donut sandwich with extra cheese and a side of fries.
I want it sitting in front of me.
So I can look at it.
Perhaps touch it a little.
Poke it to see how squishy the dough is.
I DON'T WANT TO EAT IT!
Just let me smell it.. maybe chew it then spit it back out.


If you're male, and you ever find yourself thinking "Hey, Self, I really wonder how fucking mental females are.." ^^ see above.
But if you ask us, we'll lie, 'cause we're sneaky like that. Mhmmm.

P.S. Please give me chocolate?

28 February 2008

You Know There's Something Wrong When...

Letters make you feel this way.

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Look how freaking cute this font is! I just want to squeeze it's puffy little cheeks. It's called Little Lord Fontleroy, and you will find it here:

Little Lord Fontleroy

Download it!
Remember me when you're living a life of fontabulous luxury.

P.S. All the images are Dingbats, which you can also find at Font Freak. I especially love the Bambi character.

25 February 2008

All Com, No Rom.

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Thus is life.
God thinks he is so funny.