09 March 2008

You Might Like To Know.

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'On average, 13 people die every year from vending machines falling on them.'

I'm not sure what type of situation you'd have to get yourself into, for a vending machine to fall on you. That's some Homer Simpson type shit.

'The total length of all eyelashes shed by a human in their life time is over thirty metres.'


Imagine what you could do with all that disregarded hair!

'The typical bed is usually home to over six billion dust mites.'

That's the stuff dreams are made of?
In science class, at high school, our teacher decided it would be an awesome idea to show us a documentary on parasites, germs and all the other cute fuzzy little creatures, which share the same living space as you and I, but we cannot see. Let's just say, it's a miracle I didn't develop chronic OCD, mild yes, chronic no. Facts like this are better unknown.

'You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork, than by a spider.'

Thinking about this and killer vending machines, a few questions come to mind. For example, I wonder how many people have gotten stuck under a vending machine, while on their way to a dinner party. Wine bottle in hand, they figure they'll get a little boozed to pass the time. Open the wine, cork flies into their mouth, then they choke and die. What's that statistic?

Now, I don't know how dangerous a cork is.. but there are spiders out there that can kill you with fucking body fluid! And it's not like you have to do something special for them to bite and inject this into you, they just spit it out willy nilly. Sure a cork could get lodged into your throat, but what is the chances of this happening??

So, I suppose, if you do the math, I'd guess around 50ish(?) people die from spider bites each year, which means that the statistic for death by corkage is higher. Now I'm just wondering, is there some sort of extreme corking sport that I'm unaware of?!

'A crocodile can't stick out its tounge.'

Well, clearly they don't need to.

'A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.'

Do you think cows ever feel, like they're just being fucking jipped?

'Turtles and Honeybees are both deaf.'

That just makes me sad. Turtles and Honeybees are adorable. It's like some sort of sick joke, making them audiably impared. I happen to think Honeybees would have impeccable taste in music.

Although, it would explain why they both come off a little ignorant. And I'm not just saying that because it's a completely ridiculous accusation. I actually think they are, especially Honeybees, they're always fucking banging into you and buzzing around your ear, it's like they don't even realise you're standing right there, and we're what, a bajillion times the size that they are? Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they're blind aswell!

2 comments:

Julie said...

dammit, that bee poem, I know it from somwhere! Help!

Nat said...

Haha, yeah, it's a Spike Milligan poem. It was in a book I got out a looongtime ago from the library.